White Lies Matter

It’s tough out there for honest people, isn’t it?  It’s so hard to maintain any personal integrity when the entire system relies on lies.  Downer, huh?  If you’re honest, you may wonder why you can’t succeed when so many around you seem to sail through life.  You might wonder whether you’re just a loser.  You may wonder… but perhaps you shouldn’t.  There are reasons why good guys finish last and why honest people find life so hard.  And often no amount of cleverness will part the sea for you.  One thing is certain, though:  The only thing that you can take with you when you die is your soul, so don’t lose it in a blizzard of white lies.

White lies are socially acceptable lies, and they are everywhere.  We usually think of white lies as harmless, undeserved compliments or defensive lies that we tell to people who had no right to ask in the first place.  Those white lies may not be so white, but those are not the kind of white lies that are damaging society beyond its ability to repair itself.

No, there are other kinds of white lies, and they do REAL damage.  They don’t rise to the level of criminal perjury, and they aren’t punishable under the law, but they are as malignant as the blackest of lies.  They are everywhere, but they are perhaps most common in any field related to employment, because employment affects our personal economic survival.  From resumes and interviews to being a “team player” in the workplace, white lies are required by most employers.  Of course, employers would never admit it (another white lie).

After the economic bubble burst, many found themselves looking for work.  The process often began with outplacement counseling.  The counseling used terms like “strategy,” of course – since no self-respecting outplacement counselor really wants to admit to offering courses on “how to fluff your resume” or “how to lie to get that job.”  The newly depressed and desperate were told how not to look so newly depressed and desperate … even though they were newly depressed and desperate, and it would be quite natural to be so.  They were told to tailor their resume to each recipient… even though it would be impossible to tailor the resume for every potential job.  They were told that key words were important, since company computers would only kick out resumes that had certain words.  They were told to grab the attention of the reader in just a few seconds, because readers will spend less than 20 seconds to judge your whole life and determine your fitness for the job.  They were told that, if you don’t hit every single expected buzz-word in a few seconds, you won’t get the call.  .

These messages were elaborated upon by a flood of experts, often associated with job fairs, on TV.  They claimed to know what “employers look for.”  From the shine of your shoes to the trim of your nails and hair, there were rules.  From the firmness of your handshake to the twinkle in your eyes, there were rules.  Never let them see you sweat.  Never appear nervous.  Look confident but not too confident.  Stand up straight.  When sitting, lean forward.  And if they ask you why you want to work there, NEVER say, “Because I need a job” (never mind that it might be the only honest answer). 

Now, what if you’re a very competent but shy person, as many are?  Too bad.  Lie.  Fake it.  What if you’re creative, have some tattoos or jewelry?  Cover the tats up, and take the jewelry out of your ears (unless you’re a woman, of course).   Show the human resources judge how well you can lie.  If you can lie well, the company can probably trust you not to make waves.  Let that conformity SPARKLE!

In recent years, some human resources departments have even added the psychological test to their arsenal of “tools” to filter out people who might think too much.  You might be given a test in which you are asked general questions and given a choice of vague answers.  If you are in the habit of thinking, you will want greater clarity in the questions and potential answers.  Case in point:  A very qualified applicant for a position in a medical device company applied for a job.  He had done the job for 15 years in a different company, and his old boss would be his new boss in the new company.  He had jumped through all the hoops except the psychological test, which was administered by a chirpy young human resources representative.  She asked, “Are you a big picture person or are you detail oriented?”  The man answered that the big picture is made of a lot of little details.  She then asked, “Would you rather have a purely professional relationship or work with friends?”  He answered that most of his friendships started out as purely professional relationships and that he guessed it depended upon the people.  After several silly questions and thoughtful answers, the woman told him that he would be contacted by the end of the week.  After a few weeks without the promised call, the man called his old boss.  “I haven’t heard from H.R. yet,” he said.  “Well,” said the old boss, “you apparently didn’t do too well on the psychological evaluation.  They thought you were evasive.”  The man then said to his old boss, “So I should have lied?”  Yes, lying was required. 

Anytime someone asks a question and tries to make you choose from answers that do not reflect what you believe, they are requiring that you lie.  

When people find work, though, a whole new set of white lies is required.  To refuse to play ball is to refuse to be a “team player.”  What used to be called "go along to get along" has now been re-termed in more positive nomenclature as "teamwork."  Annually, one state agency gives a computer survey regarding job satisfaction.  The answers can all be traced back to the individual computers, and everyone knows it.  Very few questions allow for a negative answer, but most employees won’t take a chance on being perceived as negative, as a non-team player.  Generally, the employee is only given a way of saying that he/she is happy or very happy and that management is doing a good job or a very good job.   In fact, many state workers who have taken the survey will admit privately that they lied on the survey because they want to keep their jobs. Your tax dollars at work….

The agency's annual how-extremely-happy-are-you? survey is not management's only attempt to coerce statements of happiness from the workforce.  Employees were recently asked to select, from a list of about 50 positive descriptions, the five or six that best describe his/her boss.  Even an ax murderer would come out looking pretty good.  The exercise is presented as a "something fun to do," and the employee is not forced to take part in this "fun" exercise - but who dares not to?  Again, lying is required.

White lies occur every single day in almost every cubicle across the country.  When a birthday card for someone whom you detest crosses your desk, what do you write?  You write, “Happy Birthday,” don’t you?  You want to be pleasant, after all.  And what would happen to you if you were honest, after all?  And so the card, and everything written in, ends up having little or no meaning to the person who receives it.  Because kind words are a political requirement, they mean nothing.

White lies do matter.  People have come to accept lying, expect lying, and require lying.  In this vast white wilderness where truth is buried under six feet of white lies, the honest person shivers and struggles to survive. Although we seem to be forced into expedient lying, maybe we need to push the envelop to the point of discomfort.   Honesty is still worth the grief.  After all, we can only take our souls with us.